And the other post!

It was a few moments after my rambling on the first blog entry that I realized that I am also taking piano lessons and forgot to mention them. It's kind of sad since it's what I'm doing best at right now. My piano teacher is a really awesome and talented guy and obviously he sees some talent in me as well. I played two songs by heart for my midterm and received 98%.

But there are the issues I've promised to elaborate on. First is my moving. I lived on my own for a year. Although Marie and I didn't always see eye to eye, I enjoyed living with her for the most part. It did bug me that she wasn't active, however. She is one of the smartest people I know and she doesn't have a job. And she doesn't go to school either. And she doesn't even volunteer. I wake up early to go to class or I wake up early to go to work. And she sleeps. On many occasions, I had gone to school or work and come back to find her still in bed. It irritated me.

Of course, I know she has struggled with her anxiety, but I can't accept that excuse as she's done nothing to try and get around it. I suffer from anxiety, too. My anxiety is really bad, too. I go on with life though. If I need to take a few minutes out to compose myself, so be it. When I cou;dn't stand sitting in my math class in grade 11, did I drop it? No. I asked the teacher if I could do my work elsewhere. I worked with my anxiety! And Sylvie has some of the worst anxiety I've ever seen. She's been able to hold down jobs and go to school. Kudos to her. But Marie won't do it. Eventually, it really bugged me that she didn't.

On top of that, I couldn't afford to live at the loft anymore. Music is fucking expensive! On top of tuition which is about 6k, there are all of these extras that need to be paid for. Symphony tickets, Metro-opera shows, LUMA concerts, piano books, vocal books, music and also, paying for an accompanist for all of my practices. Joy is great, but she's sucking me dry.

On top of moving out, I am also on a journey to quit smoking for real. My progress is retarded. I'll make an entire day and feel fine, then the next, I'm ravage. Or I'll smoke a lot during one day, then the next, I will hardly have a craving. It is making quitting difficult. I also try and reason with myself that would allow me to smoke. The way I see it, I have two voices arguing in my head. The smoking voice, let's call him Lucas. And then we have the non-smoking voice. Let's call him Bob.

Lucas is tall, handsome and quite articulate. He has on a nice flashy suit and his teeth are perfect and white. When he talks, I get excited over his deep masculine voice. Bob is short and squat with his belly hanging out of his wife-beater. He hasn't bathed in a few days and when he opens his mouth, a whiny higher pitched voice comes out. When Lucas and Bob battle it out, Lucas always has the upper hand. He's like a lawyer. He's skilled in manipulation, his rebuttal is always prepared. Furthermore, I want him to win. Then there's Bob. Whatever shit he's spewing, nobody, not even myself, wants to hearit. His voice is such a turn-off.

Lucas has convinced me: Smoking takes ten years off your life, but that's the end of your life which isn't fun anyways. He also tells me that I have my whole life to quit smoking. He also tells me that many of the world's greatest singers are smokers. Right. Bob tells me that I need to wheeze a little less. Bob also tells me that if I think quitting is hard now, it'll be harder when I cross the 5 year line, and the 10 year line.

One thing that I know is nice, though; It's nice to show up to my vocal lesson or choir without worrying that I smell like smoke.

Damnit

I started a new blog because I forgot my username and password for this one. And then I was trying to log into my new account, and it logged me into this one. What the hell? I'll post my two posts from the other blog here:

Blog: Take two

I've had a blog before. What happened to it? Didn't log in for at least a year and I forgot my username and password. That's really neither here nor there. It doesn't matter what my old blog was because it's nice to start anew every now and again.

Why would I have a blog in the first place? Well although I didn't really think they were of value before, I now realise that writing out thoughts is very theraputic whether only I read it or if anyone else reads them.

So what do I do? I am a university student. My last blog explored my enrollment to university. I applied for the four year bachelor of arts last year, a major in psychology. Well what a bust that was. I stopped going to my psych lessons before Christmas and ended up failing. Of course I knew it was a science, but I thought as I applied through the arts that perhaps I would get introduced to science a little more slowly. Let's face it, I have a grade ten science level and it's just never come easily for me.

I came to understand just after Christmas that psych wasn't where my heart was. I was failing my major and I was doing really well in music. It seemed so simple that I endured the long switch over to music. I had to reapply to the university. I was scared as I had a fail on my transcript, if that would damage my reacceptance, but it worked out in the end.

After meeting with Kim, a vocal teacher, for a month, I passed my audition. I didn't get along with Kim so well. I felt bad because I ended up getting little feedback from her. Mostly she just lectured me on smoking. Of course, I shouldn't smoke, but as I'm paying you $60 an hour to help me pass my audition, shut up and coach me! Anyway, my audition is long passed. Cathi helped me out on piano. She is just awesome.

So over the summer, I worked for some reason. I don't even know why I started applying for jobs. I got one, too. Fricking out of town. My parents were nice enough to let me borrow the car for the entire summer. I appreciate it. I know it put strain on my brother having to get to work in other ways. Work at Pioneer Village started off great. Then it got annoying with all of the kids for the school tours. Then it got boring fast. Then I got drama. I hate drama, but let's face it, I kinda walked right into it. Note to self: Don't talk about others' work habits - It's not my business.

What I loved about the village was being able to express myself creatively. We got to choose our own characters. Mine was Lilith Black, the "Black" widow. The over friendly, sweet village woman who wore funeral gowns just as much as she wore wedding gowns. It was also fun setting up for murder mysteries. Dragging my ketchup-soaked supervisor across the floor of the village square? SCORE! The manager was also a really awesome guy.

But I was excited to return to school to start my life in music. Anyone who thinks music is a bird course should seriously reconsider. I started off with a full six credits. But problems arose. The musicianship teacher recommended that anyone who was taking rudiments should drop his class because it dealt with theory. Great. That was me. Bye bye, musicianship. Then there was music history. With the courseload I was already battling with, it was nuts to stay in that class. I am also considering dropping philosohpy at this very moment. The workload in there is ridiculous. For a fourth year philosophy course, I would expect almost that much reading, but not for an intro course.

But let's think about the courses I am still enrolled in. Rudiments. It's not going too bad. There's quite a bit of work to do, but I find myself almost enjoying it in a way. I've always liked math. And music deals with math a lot. Music + Math = Enjoying myself. I just received a 72% on the midterm. Not too bad. I would have done better if Penny wasn't so sneaky. She takes marks off for the smallest things that she doesn't even remind you that you need to be aware of.

Vocal Ensemble started off very well. And by very well, I mean I enjoyed the first day. But to understand what happened on the second day, I first must explain my vocal lessons. I was hoping to get taught my Mary. She's supposed to be the best vocal teacher in Thunder Bay, but something went weird and I got stuck with Kim. I hoped so much that we would get along. My goal was to not give her a reason to be mad or upset with me. I made sure I didn't smoke before I went into my lesson. I told her I gave it up. She bought it. We were getting along famously until she said the S word.

Female vocalists are separated into three voice types. Contralto, the lowest. I always love the sound contraltos make. It's a dark, mature sound. I know plainly well that I'm not a contralto, sadly. What I think I am and what I was hoping for was Mezzo-Soprano. Mezzos sing medium tones with a similar sound to contraltos. It's a dark, mature sound, just not quite as dark as the contralto. This is where music is easiest for me. It's not too low or too high. Then there is the dreaded S word. Soprano. Sopranos sing the high stuff. They have lighter sounds.

I am not a soprano. I have a dark sound! Just because I can sing a couple high notes doesn't mean that I automatically have to sing that! Anyway, she's been training me for a couple months now singing soprano songs. She had also told me that I needed to switch from alto to soprano in vocal ensemble. That first day, I sat with all of my friends in alto. The second day, I sat with the unfamiliar sopranos. I'm not even a soprano 2, the lower soprano. I'm the soprano 1. And on top of that, Erik rearranged his entire Finnish choir to have me on soprano 1.

I am a soprano vocalist. Where one I was an alto 1 in VE, I am now a soprano 1. Where once I was an alto 2 in Finnish choir, I am now a soprano 1. I've always been a soprano in church choir. All of my old favourite things to do are now tainted with ugly soprano. Is that fair? Also, in VE, I have quickly learned that the other sopranos are sheeple (sheep + people) who hang on every note I sing. When I sing something correctly, they all sing it correctly, but when I sing something wrong, they all sing it wrong with me. This puts a lot of pressure on me. If my music isn't learned really well, the section fails.

I can really rant about soprano. This may be my first blog post complaining about it, it won't be the last. There are many changes going on right now. Next blog will be about my move back into my parents house and the journey to actually quit smoking.